A Week in the life of my body image.
Growing up I was never that into make up. I was blessed with good skin and up until a couple of years ago the most I’d bothered with was a bit of eyeliner and mascara. Since becoming ill I’ve watched my physical appearance change. Weight has been gained, clear skin has been lost and two undereye bags the size of those sacks you get at IKEA are now present on my face. At first I found this quite difficult to deal with but over time I’ve begun to prioritise feeling as well as I possibly can in that moment, who cares what I look like right?
Some days I can feel this way with such confidence that I think I may never wear makeup again, but others I look at my reflection and think “A paper bag would be a good idea right about now.” Make up can help me on days such as those. Sometimes covering up those bags and clearing up that skin makes me feel just that little bit better. It certainly isn’t a necessity but it can make me feel good and that’s all that matters sometimes.
I wanted to really prove how much this can vary from day to day. So welcome to a week in the life of Ilona’s body image. It’s going to be a blast.
I started off my day looking like this.
It was actually a good day. I felt kinda alright, my skin was clear and I’d managed seven hours of sleep the night before. I ummed and arred for a while before deciding that I wanted to wear makeup. Oddly after applying a full face of makeup I actually felt less confident, not liking how I did my eye makeup and just generally feeling a bit blah. Weird how that happens huh? After deliberating over whether to take it all off I thought “Oh well!” And left the house as I was. Clearly today was a fu*k it! Kinda day.
Back at work today, zero sleep and my chronic pain making a lovely appearance. Today was quite the opposite from the day before. No confident dismissals to the towering beauty standards in today’s society. No. Today I stood in front of the mirror and picked apart what I saw. Strange how I had time to do this at 7am but not enough to make myself breakfast.
One word for today. Armour. After my overly critical day yesterday I put on my work uniform and felt a little more protected. It may seem odd but my work uniform offers a little comfort, as I can look at myself in the mirror and see my vocation not my body. Some days you need a little armour, even if its green and massively unflattering.
I woke up today feeling like I either wanted to kill someone with an axe or cry, so yeah particularly hormonal to say the least. I actually couldn’t care less about my face or body today. Not in a body positive “I’m perfect no matter what!” Kinda way but a “I’d feel better being a formless blob!” Kinda way. Safe to say the aim of the game on days like these is to survive, don’t bite anyone’s head off and try and find at least one thing that went well or made you feel good. Either way days like this prove that how ever much of a body positivity champ you are, you need to realise not everyday is going to be positive. Accept it and move on. Preferably towards some ice cream or something.
Couldn’t have been any more different from the day before. The sun was shining, I had the day off and I was feeling super confident. I’d have not been seen dead in anything more than a bin bag or blanket the day before, but today I strutted about my back garden in a bikini. I mean I had quite the audience, my cat loved it. I had a makeup free day which I often do when it’s warm, with just a little moisturizer and primer. Today was good.
This week has definitely had its ups and downs with regards to my level of body confidence, but actually this worked in my favour as it gave me a great opportunity to show how much of a rollercoaster our relationships to our bodies really is.
If anyone is interested… here’s some of the products I used this week, whether doing a full face of makeup or just trying to perform a little selfcare.
Barry M primer drops.. Yes I bought this because it had a unicorn on it. That is how everyone should pick their makeup just saying. But this has turned out to be a great addition to my vanity table.
NYX control drop foundation. I. Love. This. It’s buildable, which comes in handy when I have some days I don’t want anyone to see my face to days I just want a little coverage over a few blemishes.
Obsession Baking powder. I’m often a sweaty mess so this is my best friend. Keeps my makeup in place and just makes my skin feel that little bit smoother.
Zoella, Colour pop highlighter. I adore this highlighter. I adore it. If I’m going “out out” which lets face it is nearly never, I might use a more out there highlighter, but I love this one because it’s buildable (that’s my new favourite word) and has a little pink in it. This is great for a chronic lazy makeup applier such as myself.
So anywho, don’t really know what this is but here you go.